"genau heute wären es zwei jahre. stattdessen sind es jetzt fast neun monate ohne dich.
du fehlst mir. mehr als worte jemals beschreiben könnten." - vom 01. Januar 2017
Mir fehlen die Worte. Noch immer. Immer wieder. Er war mehr, als ich mir je erträumt hatte, er war alles, was ich je wollte. Und irgendwie ist er es immer noch. Er fehlt mir. Jeden Tag fehlt er an meiner Seite und ich weiß nicht, wie ich es jemals ertragen sollte, ihn mit jemand anderem zu sehen. Ich ertrag es ja nicht mal, mich mit jemand anderem zu sehen...
"A heartbreak literally feels like your heart is breaking in two. When he leaves without an explanation. A heartbreak is probably the most painful thing anyone can possibly go through. It could have been a fling, or a long term relationship, but the bash reality that the person doesn't want you anymore is absolutely mind changing and I'll probably spend the next 6 months wondering what the hell is wrong with me. But the reality is, there is nothing wrong with me and i couldn't have done anything different. I try to tell this to myself, and my friends can tell me this when I'm crying in my room at 3am, and my mom can tell me this when she asks why I've been so down lately after I was on such a high because of a single human that left me in the darkness now. Don't even bother asking him "why"? Because you will never get the real answer. Isn't it scary how much a single person that used to be a stranger now can effect so much on me? I catch myself remembering the smell of the cologne that I got for him, when I buried my head into his neck. It's all mind games, just how he played me. And I don't deserve games. "Why can't everything be easy?" If he don't want me anymore, fuck it. He's missing out on something truly incredible, I'm incredible and just cause one dumb guy doesn't realize it, it doesn't mean I'm anything less. That's what I try to tell myself when I remember that I still love him. It's kind of scary how much a person can change your life in such a short amount of time. And I'll never really understand it until I go through something so real and raw that I feel his imaginary fingertips trailing down my spine at 2am when I'm laying in my bed wild awake staring at my seiling and asking anyone in the world who is listening to my thoughts why he had to do this because he was "so different".
And maybe he was different, but maybe he just wasn't for me. And I'll still feel the burning in my stomach whenever I see him and I will spend so many nights crying into my pillow while blaring the song we used to listen to together as loud as i can and I will scream and then I'll realize through all the tears, that everything he said was absolute bullshit." -instagram.com/leacelestine
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